• Edie Montreux

Numb

When I stop and think about all the things I'm doing right now, I don't know how I'm doing it all. Not only that, I don't know why I'm not feeling the stress I would usually be feeling. Is this like reverse depression? I'm not manic. I'm numb, which sounds worse.



Our Toastmasters club is dwindling, so I covered a speech last week while I was also grammarian, and I have a scheduled speech next week. At this rate, I'm going to complete another path in just over a year. Seriously, I gave an impromptu speech this week with zero prep outside of taking the Toastmasters Leadership quiz. A year ago, I wouldn't have been able to do that without freaking out. It wasn't a great speech, I admit, but at this rate, I don't even care. It's over. Yay.


I'm leading a project, supporting another project, and leading a completely different project team at work, all while also performing duties as assigned and trying to keep my friends happy on the front lines. I swear every day will be the day I'll log off and never come back. Maybe it'll be Monday. I'm as surprised as you are that it wasn't today.


My self-care stuff is just as annoying. I meditate for ten minutes every day and I walk 10k steps every day. Some days, that feels like time I don't have, but I do it anyway.


When I'm finished with the daily grind, it's time for job two. The job I love, and yet, here it is, the last item on my list before I pass out from exhaustion, usually with my laptop still open in my lap. My measly word count this week doesn't change the fact that I have a cover reveal Monday for the book due to ARC readers and reviewers in less than a week. After that, it's on to my next book. This new book every two months publishing schedule is brutal. It would be even worse if the books weren't already written. Friends, I'm about to run out of books. I haven't even thought about that vampire story to make two unrelated stories into a connected anthology. I still have the New Year's book in the wings, but I remember hating it by the time it was done.


Why am I not freaking out right now?

Your guess is as good as mine, and I'm too tired to guess.


5 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All