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  • Writer's pictureEdie Montreux

Being Human

I failed hard at being human this week.

Every time someone brings up food, I learn just how far I've fallen out of touch with people. I eat because I must to stay alive. I think most people eat because it's something they enjoy. Sure, I eat things I enjoy. I eat a ton of Peanut M&Ms, for example. I am not the person experimenting with cooking now that I've had to eat in every night for a year. We stick to our favorite meals, and that's fine with me. The thing I remember most about eating at restaurants is that food often gave me indigestion and/or made me sick. I haven't felt that way in over a year now, and it's been glorious. This also alienates me from the people who live to eat.

When people talk about sports, I need to keep my mouth shut. I have some very unpopular opinions about certain sports, especially NASCAR. Don't get me wrong, I once loved this sport. I loved Dale Earnhardt. He was my favorite driver from my first memory of the Daytona 500. I remember the days when the only two races they showed on television were Daytona and Talladega. That was before I knew about climate change and the effect of fossil fuels on our environment. If racing is really about the talent of the driver, as they say it is, then they can just as easily sit behind a gaming system and race on a computer screen. Stop wasting resources to build cars, smack marketing labels all over them, and run them around a track taking up valuable real estate that could be returned to nature. See? Unpopular.

I love watching our state schools during March Madness, I do, but basketball in the time of COVID is still a huge risk. My college alma mater was kicked out of the Missouri Valley finals because of COVID. Should they have postponed until everyone was vaccinated? Probably, but they call it March Madness, not May Madness, so tradition must prevail.

I don't watch television. Much. Okay. We've started watching FBI and FBI: Most Wanted, not picking them up from the beginning but watching from the mid-season openers in January. Poor Lemur has to pause it to listen to me speculate on the opening sequences, especially if it's dealing with one of the main cast's SO's. This week on Most Wanted: "Her ex is going to show up." This week on FBI: "Her boyfriend is involved in the kidnapping somehow." Right on both counts. Him: "But that's too easy. Why do they do that?" Me: It's television. They've got to make it easy to appeal to a wide audience." So. Yeah. I don't watch television. Too predictable. Any time I'm thrust into a social situation, the conversation always turns to television. "Are you watching [insert show I've never heard of here]?" I'm usually pretty quiet during those conversations.

I can't talk about food, sports, or television. What's left after that? Even when people talk about books, they don't want to talk LGBTQ+ romance. When we talk about workouts, the folks who run always take point. I walk and read on the treadmill. Super boring. I know I'm not that interesting, but honestly, I'm finding it harder and harder to even relate to other humans.

You breathe, I breathe. Wow. Good talk. I'm going over here to write now. kthxbai

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