• Edie Montreux

Hold Up, Avengers

I just saw a Twitter thread that made me consider the acceptability of Thanos’s plan. In fact, it might even be an improvement after you mourned the loss of half the planet’s population.

Bear with me.

I know it’s awful. I know Thanos’s thinking is despotic and cracked, but if the deed is done and you’re left standing, wouldn’t you want to take a moment to breathe and enjoy how quiet life just became?

First things first: A girl’s gotta eat. I would start a garden (depending on the time of year). If it’s summer/fall, we’ll probably be able to forage that first year, but afterwards, we will either need super robot farmers to keep the world going or we’ll have to get used to providing for ourselves.

Second, and this goes for any apocalypse situation: A girl has no friends. I will treat that first day pillaging Bass Pro like it’s the Cornucopia in The Hunger Games. You know me? If you have something I want, I will tackle you and steal your shit while your head is spinning. A girl needs to protect her garden.

Third: A girl can’t live without her stories.

If power fails and we have no electricity, I will continue writing longhand in notebooks and reading the paperbacks stocking my shelves. Fiction is my weakness, but it’s not a bad one. It’s not like I’m going to have withdrawals if I can’t have something previously available to me. Except heat. Heat might be important in the winter.

Fourth: Possible relocation to the places I currently consider far too populous to even venture. Somewhere close to the equator. Somewhere nice all year around. Yeah. I could live with that.

What about you? Would you help the Avengers “Get them all back,” or do you have other plans? (Bonus if your plan involves Deadpool.)