If I Had a Million Dollars

The original title of this blog was, “Two Dudes at the Same Time,” but that took me down a completely different path than the one I wanted.

This week, I thought about the future. My future. I have a birthday in a few months. Is this truly where I thought I would be?

No. The answer is no. Eleven years ago, I quit a job that was sucking my soul. Today, I feel like I’m back in that place. My work friends are the best friends I’ve ever had, but the job is still sucking my soul. When I feel this way, I rewatch Office Space, and wonder what I would do if I had a million dollars.

I can watch two dudes at the same time any time I want (yay, pr0n!). What I would do for a living if money were no object: write M/M Romance full time.

I know it’s not for everyone. I hear my friends say they wouldn’t know what to do with themselves if they didn’t have a full-time job. That has never been me. I am self-motivated. I have more plot bunnies than I have time. I would love to write, day in and day out. My goal would be four books a year, to start. Two series (different series, one fantasy, one contemporary) two stand-alone (contemporary or fantasy). Once the series ended, I would start new ones. I have more ideas, of course, and, with more free time, the plot bunnies would multiply on their own.

The opportunity that kept me from quitting five years ago when I first felt disheartened with my workplace is now the obligation that makes me want to go Milton. The more I want to hide from the world, the more the world forces me to be its spokesperson. I am poor at PR. My filters no longer have filters and I am about to say the wrong thing to the wrong person and get myself fired.

I. Write. Gay. Romance. I write gay romance in a red state, in a Trump world. I’m still too afraid to come out at work, even though part of what I do supports the LGBTQIA community. Part of me feels that the only way I can be free to be myself is to quit my job and write full time.

So what’s holding me back? That million dollars. It’s a deal breaker.

What would you do with a million dollars?