Presence

I watched Amy Cuddy’s TED Talk on body language yesterday. If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it as a way to increase your personal presence. “Fake it ’til you make it,” can often resolve our own doubts and behavior in front of a group. However, it doesn’t fix interpersonal problems, and it certainly doesn’t fix someone else.

I’m trying to fix my shit so I can help others. It’s a long, hard process. I have a hard time defending myself. Nobody hates me more than I hate myself. I apologize for existing before addressing others. “I’m so sorry to bother you.” Mostly because I’d rather never speak to anyone, ever, but this is the world we live in. Some believe our entire reason for living is our relationship with others. Imagine how disappointed I was to read that. My entire reason for existing is to communicate with others, and I’d rather be on a deserted island writing a million-page manuscript to no one rather than speak to a stranger.

That’s why I blog. No one reads this, so I might as well be on a deserted island writing my million-page manuscript to no one. That’s why I lurk on social media, looking for ideas for blog posts. Believe it or not, this one is based on several of my friends backing away from social media this week. I’m not the only one struggling with people.

If you are struggling this week, this month, this year, or like me, this lifetime, this blog is for you. I see you, struggling with your shit and trying to be as open about it as you can without melting down or giving up. I appreciate you for being honest and sharing your struggles. It makes me feel like less of a freak to see others have the same issues with personal presence, apologizing for existing, and dealing with fake bullshit.

Your struggles are real, they are valid, and you deserve a chance to step away and deal with them. Every single one of us is dealing with one issue or another. Some people lie about their issues on social media, pretending everything is fine. We all see enough lying every day. Thank you for being honest and sharing your struggles. You’ve helped me feel less alone with my own problems. You are here, you are loved, and you are role models for the kind of person I need to be. Thank you for being you.