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  • Writer's pictureEdie Montreux

Public Service Announcement: Pedestrians, Listen Up

Dear Pedestrians:

Stop being fucking idiots.

We walk outside as much as we can. Our neighborhood has some sidewalks, but a good portion of the streets we walk don’t have them. We walk in the street.

At least once each walk, some idiot decides to play chicken with us, walking on the right instead of the left. They make smug faces at us, like they’re right and we’re wrong.

Don’t let that oncoming car hit you in your dumb ass.

The rule of walking in the street: walk on the left. THE LEFT. Vehicles drive on the right. Pedestrians should always walk against the flow of traffic. If that van hits you, you want to be able to see its license plate before it flees the scene.

What I ask of you, dear readers: am I required to say something to these idiots when I see them on the street? Should I make up some pamphlets? Should I strike up a conversation with them, asking them why they skipped that important kindergarten lesson? Or should I just laugh when I see a car coming?

I’m not always this evil, I swear.

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