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  • Writer's pictureEdie Montreux

Ru and Freddie’s Lunch at the Beach

I didn’t receive any other flash/slash submissions for RuPaul and Freddie Mercury, so I wrote my own. (This doesn’t surprise or disappoint me, friends. I write this blog to stay sane, and I don’t expect you to participate, unless you wish to participate.)

Without further ado, here is Ru and Freddie’s Lunch at the Beach:

The fierce sun reflected off the white sand, making the midday beach seem almost surreal. Beyond the sand, rolling waves crashed and then lulled, an unending round of cicada song. Like the cicadas, the waves knew winter was near, despite the heat of midday.

Freddie stood on the beach, hand over his eyes, scanning for his beautiful lunch date. It took everything he had to leave his trainers at home and wear a pair of leather sandals, instead. The rubber soles protected his feet, but the grains of sand bouncing off his toes as he walked felt like tiny hot pokers.

Finally, he saw her. Of course she was fashionably late. Ru wore flip-flops, a red one-piece bathing suit, and a royal-blue chiffon swim robe. While not as obvious as her Captain America outfit, the two bold colors attracted every eye on the beach. Her golden hair gleamed above a simple French twist. Her robe trained behind her, nearly hiding the red-and-white striped beach bag strapped to her elbow.

Freddie felt awkward in board shorts and a skin-tight Flash Gordon t-shirt. He smoothed the edges of his moustache to hide his overbite. He couldn’t help but smile as Ru sashayed up to him, leaned down, and kissed his cheek.

“What’s in the basket?” Ru asked, pointing at the picnic tote in Freddie’s other hand.

“The usual picnic fare.”

“Oh, honey. My sister thought cookies were all we needed for a picnic.”

“You’ll have to wait and see,” Freddie said with a cocky tilt of his chin.

Ru laughed and patted his arm.

They found a spot on the beach and spread a striped stadium blanket over the scorching sand. They kicked off their shoes. Ru shook the sand out of her robe and tucked it into her bag.

“It’s so hot,” Ru drawled, fixated on the water. “Shall we cool off before we eat?”

“A swim would be lovely.”

Ru pulled Freddie to his feet, and they sauntered toward the waves. Freddie leaned down to pet a frisbee-fetching dog. Ru shrieked and covered her head when a seagull flew too close. Freddie laughed and shooed it away.

“Birds hate me. Doves. Penguins. Now, seagulls.”

“I’m keeping you around,” Ru said, snuggling closer on Freddie’s arm. They waded into the surf arm-in-arm, together.

The cold water soon had Ru jumping up and down in the foamy surf, teeth chattering between gales of laughter. They waded in until the crest of the waves hit them mid-chest. Freddie stole a kiss between waves, and then gently turned Ru toward shore. “Let’s eat before we freeze to death.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice.”

Ru replaced the chiffon robe with a full-body towel from her beach bag while Freddie stripped out of the wet t-shirt. Freddie served the paper-wrapped deli sandwiches, white corn chips, and serving-sized salsa containers. “We also have dessert.” Freddie winked.

“You do know how to please the queen,” Ru said, and blushed. “Damn. You also make Queen jokes awkward as fuck.”

“Darling, saw whatever you want. If queen jokes make you happy…”

“Are you telling me to own it, Mr. Mercury?”

Freddie tried to hide his smile, but Ru batted his hand away. “You have a beautiful smile.”

“No, but I’m happy. It’s only beautiful because it’s a reflection of you.”

Rue grinned and shook her head, loosening a strand of hair she promptly tucked behind her ear. “You are more gorgeous than you know. I’m lucky.”

They ate in comfortable silence, sharing the occasional laugh at clumsy drops, and the usual sharing of bites of food: a chip here, a cold-cut there. When the sandwiches had been reduced to crumbs, Freddie revealed a brown paper bag stained with grease spots.

“You did not.”

“Chocolate chip cookies, just for you.”

Ru took the bag, opened it, and inhaled the sweet goodness. “I’ll need a long swim in that frigid water after this, but it’s worth it.”

“There are better ways to burn calories,” Freddie said, arching his eyebrows.

“Oh honey, we’re going to work for these cookies.”

Freddie nodded. “Worth it.”

I apologize if you felt either of these fandoms too sacred to ship. This is my first attempt at real-world slash. Please forgive me if you feel I’ve been false to either Freddie or RuPaul. I love them both and have mad respect for their talent, so any misrepresentation is my poor excuse for writing.

Thanks for reading! Tuesday’s blog will be about happiness.

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