Rumors

I have this recurring nightmare. (Yes, another one. I have many recurring nightmares.)

This one’s not book related. It’s personal. It also has a bad habit of happening in real life.

I have a nightmare there’s an embarrassing recording out there, one that everyone I know has listened to or viewed. I know nothing about the recording, be it video, audio, both, sex tape, or what, but I can tell when someone has seen it. One day, they treat me like a real person, and the next day, they treat me like trash.

That’s my biggest fear about fame. Like I’ll ever be famous, but it’s a legitimate fear. Once your work is out there, once you’re published, you can’t take it back. You can’t undo your public life. Worse, you can’t guarantee “facts” people know about you are even true.

I’m going to make my real-life experience sound like a fairy tale so it doesn’t seem quite so fucked up. Once upon a time, I shared the same job title as a person with a similar sounding name. He was male. He had marital problems. His wife cheated on him with another woman. Instead of believing this story about him, the rumor mill shifted it so it was about me.

Look, I love women. I’m also cis-het and happily married. (And demisexual, so…ew. Cheating is so not my thing.) I know at least one person got it wrong (uncomfortable conversation, that. “Are you sure it wasn’t you?” / “Lemur would have divorced me. Cheating is a divorceable offense in my house.”), and I have a feeling there are others with the wrong idea about me.

The worst part? There’s nothing I can do about it. It’s not like you can bring it up in polite conversation. “So, what rumors have you heard about me?” “Heard any good stories lately?” Yeah. No. Nobody wants that.

So here I am, sharing an embarrassing story to clear the air on a blog no one will read. Look at all the progress I’m making! Yay, me!

So…heard any good rumors lately?