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  • Writer's pictureEdie Montreux

She No Nuts, She’s Crazy

Remember how I said Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom is one of my favorite movies of all time? Well, this is one of the best lines in the movie: *

*(followed by, “Give me your hat…because I’m going to puke in it,” “You said to stand against the wall. I listen to what you say. It’s not my fault!” and, “There’s nothing you have I could possibly want.”)

I’m having the worst week ever, and it’s only Tuesday. Here are 8 reasons why:

1) Still no word on interviews for my dream job, and I’m going a little crazy thinking that I won’t get one. 

2) I’ve been calling one of our new board members by the wrong name for the three weeks I’ve known him, which is terrifying and sad to me because I don’t want to be that stupid straight girl who just doesn’t get it. Okay, so sometimes I will be that girl regardless, but I understand how damn important a name is. My name has caused some issues over the years.

3) The newsletter, the one that’s supposed to go out within the first business week of the month? It went out today, the second Tuesday of the month.

4) I sent that newsletter to ALL members of the NATIONAL Pride group, not just our local Pride group. Epic. Fucking. Fail. Worse, I tried to remedy that problem when it said I couldn’t send highlighted text outside of our company e-mail list, so I hit, “Cancel.” Then, it told me, “450 people already received this message.” o.O We have just over 150 members… SHITSHITSHIT. I tried to recall the message, but guess what? It said I never sent it…all because I attempted to cancel it. Awesome. You’re welcome, 450 people across the country. Please don’t try to take yourself off the mailing list. I need to be banned from ever using your mailing list. How do I have access in the first place, if it’s a private list? Hmm…

5) I made a co-worker cry today. Maybe it wasn’t me, but I think it was me. I AM A HORRIBLE FUCKING HUMAN BEING.

6) Today is my mom’s birthday. I sent her gifts via Amazon Prime because Amazon Prime is awesome and has two-day free shipping. Guess what I forgot? Gifts, Edie. Those are GIFTS. You want to send them with a CARD, and without the PRICE. Oops.

7) We had dentist appointments today. I hate the dentist. Imagine me singing that at the top of my lungs to the tune of Little Shop of Horrors:

Okay, now I’m about to blow your mind. Did you know that this same tune is used for SNL’s “Santa’s My Boyfriend”?

*Mind Blown*

8) I fucked up dinner out on the town with Lemur. Lemur and I don’t go out to dinner very often, but when we do, it’s right after we’ve had our teeth cleaned at the dentist. I was a little distracted by the whole newsletter fiasco, and calling my mom to wish her a happy birthday. My distractions didn’t fit into Lemur’s timeline for dinner. He got dressed in his pajamas at 4:30PM and told me to make myself a sandwich when I asked him where he wanted to go to dinner. Some days I’m the wife instead of the friend with benefits. I hate those days.

That pretty much sums up my week so far. Here’s hoping that this week started off bad because it’s going to end with an epic win at life. Wish me luck!

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