The Hardest Thing
We’ve known this was coming. You could have guessed, too, if you follow the blog. I mentioned it here, here, and here. Our dog, named for Red Forman and his wonderful temperament, passed away. We also lost our cats last year: here and here.
We had a bad weekend. When Red ate his food on Sunday, we thought he would come out of it. Not this time. He had an episode Sunday night (during Game of Thrones). The toxins had gotten too high, causing neurological damage. He didn’t recover overnight. It was only a matter of time.
We slept in the living room Sunday night. We didn’t want to move him. Monday morning, we were up at 4, as we usually are, waiting for the vet to open.
He didn’t suffer. He’s no longer scared, or in pain we know he must have felt but never showed.
Even so, I’m overcome with grief and guilt and all the “what ifs” that plague you when your Fur Kid passes away. I worked this week, in this quiet house, surrounded by memories. To ignore the quiet, I listened to my music. At first, it worked. Then, I started listening to words. Following are the top ten songs that punched me in the gut and left me bleeding.
10. “Loch Lomond.” Remember this song from Lady and the Tramp?
Except “Loch Lomond” is not a happy song.
9. “My Little Man,” by Ozzy Ozborne.
I do love you more than life itself. Go to sleep, my little man.
8. “Until the End of Time,” by Justin Timberlake.
If your love was all I had in this life, that would be enough until the end of time.
7. “My Life Would Suck Without You,” by Kelly Clarkson.
Yeah. Life kinda sucks right now.
6. “The Unforgiven,” by Metallica.
Red and I had a love/hate relationship. I loved him. He hated me. I was in the way of his complete ownership of Lemur. I’m so sorry, little man. There is enough love to go around. Believe me, Lemur loves us both very much.
5. “Still Fighting,” by Ben Folds.
Everybody knows it hurts to grow up. It’s so weird to be back here, mourning another pet, wondering why it doesn’t get any easier. When I picked him up, everything changed. I’m so sorry.
4. “The Scientist,” by Coldplay.
I would do anything to go back to the start. I know, it’s easy to get another puppy. It’s not the same, dammit.
3. “One More Day,” by Diamond Rio.
Yeah, we wasted a lot of time over the last 14 years. Video games. Day trips. Work.
2. “Never Had a Friend Like Me,” by Robin Williams.
Partly because Robin Williams. Partly because I wish my best friend lived closer. The rest because we will never have another dog like Red. He was truly one of a kind.
1. “Mother,” by Pink Floyd.
This hit me out of the blue. I have several Pink Floyd songs on Prime, but this was the first time they’ve ever played this song for me. Twice. In one day.
Mama will help build the wall. Mama will do anything for you. Mama is sad. You’ll always be baby to me.
Goodbye, little Red dog. We love you so much.