The One about Friends

I learned through eavesdropping (bad Edie, I know) some people I like and admire have an abysmal opinion of me. Not only that, they made me question my personal hygiene and made fun of me for wearing the same clothes each week.

You’re probably asking why I like these people. I’m starting to wonder.

I don’t make friends easy. I expect all personal interactions to go badly – it’s happened so often it seems normal. I inspire a grade-school-level knee-jerk reaction, usually revulsion. I’m not attractive, I’m not outgoing, and I don’t trust most people enough to let them get to know me. People sense the fear rolling off me, and they fear me right back.

I thought I found a place where I fit in, but more and more I think that place is a fantasy.

Don’t worry. I’ll try to make new friends again next week. It’s just sad when I thought I was making progress.