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  • Writer's pictureEdie Montreux

Tuesday’s Top Ten: Comments to My Facebook "Friends"

Over the past ten years or so, I have moved toward a more authentic life. My daily goals are more in line with my life goals. I hang out with positive people who want to do more, be more, and make more of their lives. I am becoming the writer and activist I wanted to be when I grew up.

Along with this, I have moved away from some of my former friends. Some by burning bridges. Others by drifting apart. Burning bridges usually results in un-friending and blocking, which is fine with me. Drifting apart…well, that’s more difficult to finesse. I’d like to weed out my friends list, but many of them still work for the same company I do. I’d like to say “Separating work from pleasure,” but that’s why I also have a professional Facebook page. I suppose I could just cancel the personal account, but then when I say, “I saw this on Facebook,” by mistake (yes, I’m that forgetful), my work friends will be pissed.

So, conundrum. In the meantime, here are the top ten things I’d like to say to my audience of haters on Facebook:

10. I no longer care who reports back to my ex. Tell him all about my life. Most especially, tell him how fucking happy I am. That’s sure to piss him off.

9. Oh, you can no longer spy on me for your mom? That’s because you are restricted. Fuck you, that’s why. I still love you, or I would have blocked you.

8. To the adorable former coworker who has me on restricted because…work: Seriously? You think I give a shit what you do in your personal life? You’re the reason I joined Pride. I love you more than *insert company name here*. In fact, if not for you, I would have walked out one day in 2011 and never looked back. Thank you. And I bet the rest of your posts are tame compared to what I see on Tumblr every day.

7. Nobody cares what you had for dinner. I know this applies more to Instagram, but I don’t have an Instagram account.

6. Everything happens for a reason, and I am a big believer in karma. Maybe you deserve to rot in this hell of your own making a little longer, until you figure that out. First of all, I didn’t put you there, and second of all, the only one responsible for you is YOU. I will no longer accept blame for something that you did to yourself.

5. If you want me to block you, say something disparaging about Freddie Mercury on my wall. That’s all you have to do. Some already know this. If it has to be, “It’s not you, it’s me,” then by all means, let it be me. 

4. When someone transitions MTF, the pronoun to use is she. She has a beautiful soul. She is a wonderful person. She will make it through this just fine. The rest of us…not so sure.

3. Games are for consoles.

2. I don’t care if we ARE related, GODDAMMIT, I WILL BLOCK YOU if you post another message against marriage equality, another gay slur, or another attack on transgender people and their rights. I love my chosen family more than I love you. I suppose that makes me a bad person, but I know you will pray for my soul, so there’s that.

1. Daily countdowns to vacations, babies, parties, nuptials, etc. are fucking annoying. Also, no one cares. Also, it gives people plenty of advance for alibis.

Thanks for the advance warning! I know when you won’t be paying attention to Facebook, so I can block you while you’re gone!

The sad part of all this is that I won’t go through with #1. I should, since these are the people who most annoy me, but I knew they were annoying when I added them as friends. Karma came back to bite me, after all. Until I delete my personal Facebook altogether, I will suck it up and ignore their posts.

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