• Edie Montreux

Tuesday’s Top Ten: Female Pop Artists

I got called a dude. Again. Why can’t I just be a hot-headed, open-minded, ugly girl? Labels, that’s why. Seriously, assholes, I have a uterus. It makes me a raging bitch every 28 days. I am not a dude trying to be a lady. Newsflash: if you don’t know, ask. Calling me, “Sir,” is so not cool, unless you’re my friend and we’re joking around.

To cheer me up, I’ve been listening to, and singing along with, my favorite female pop artists. I may sound like a man when I talk (thanks, ex-asshole, for trying to strangle me), but I’m just a girl. I still sing like a girl, even when I sing along with Freddie.

Don’t judge my poor taste in music. If you think my favorite artists are morally reprehensible, you’re probably right. I don’t give a shit what they do in their own time. I love their catchy beats and the way their songs make me feel.

10. Gwen Stefani. No, really, this song IS about me.


9. Cher. Our next-door neighbor growing up looked just like Cher, to me. I loved watching her talk because she moved her hands all the time, and she wore huge turquoise rings on her fingers. She was the picture of female beauty to me when I was four.

Cher’s songs, from “Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves,” to “Turn Back Time,” are iconic, and catchy. “Believe” is my favorite.


8. Cyndi Lauper. I watched WWF (now WWE) when I was little, and I remember thinking Cyndi was SO MUCH COOLER than Madonna because she could poke fun at herself on stage with the wrestlers. The video for “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun,” is still one of my favorites, but my favorite Cyndi Lauper song of all time…


7. Miley Cyrus. I have loved her since “Party in the USA,” which Lemur changed to “Party in My Pants All Day.” I am not a fan of twerking, and Robin Thicke’s meteoric fall from grace seems like a “sold my soul to the devil” story if I’ve ever heard one, so let’s just skip over all that, shall we? I love this song, possibly because it’s about a Hemsworth.


6. Britney Spears. Say what you want about Britney. She’s resilient. She’s human. Her songs have a sick beat and they take my mind off how damn much I hate exercising. I love this song. It’s how I roll.


5. Ke$ha. Who doesn’t love “TiK ToK?” Don’t answer that. “Animal” is a song I rediscovered on Prime music. I don’t remember hearing it on the radio, but I love it now.


4. Katy Perry. Wait. What? She kissed a girl? She LIKED it? She’s admitting that on the radio? Yeah, that took balls. And then there’s my favorite:


3.Kelly Clarkson. She won American Idol, but she’s more than a game show contestant. She has a past, and she’s not afraid to share her insecurities and battles. We’ve stayed for the journey, from loneliness to distrust to, fuck yeah,she’s finally in a relationship worth having, with a baby she loves more than anything. This is the true American dream.


2. Pink. I am hard rock to my core, after all, and I love my rocker girl, Pink. Quite possibly for this song. “Try” keeps me going.


1. Lily Allen. Because “Fuck You,” that’s why. And “Alfie.” And, well, all of her songs.


Did I miss your favorites? Share below. I promise to withhold judgment. If they play it on the radio (or even if they don’t), I probably like it.