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  • Writer's pictureEdie Montreux

Tuesday’s Top Ten: Lottery Dreams

I’ve had it with the flakes and fakers in my volunteer position. You know who I mean. The ones who take on high-publicity projects, but then bail when it’s more work than they expected. (One fucking newsletter. One fucking month off. That’s all I wanted.) And then there are the ones who play dumb and give you information you already had. I used to think it was an act, but now I’m not so sure.

To go hand in hand with an activity I wish I could quit (don’t worry, I’m not a flake), the Powerball lottery is HUGE. When I’m not killing Locusts, I’m daydreaming about all the cool shit I could buy with my cut of 1.5 billion dollars.

Of course, we are reasonable people, so the first thing we would do would be to head to our financial advisor’s office. Once our money is properly invested, we/I would splurge on the following:

10. Build an LGBT-friendly retirement facility somewhere warm. They’ll let me retire there if I build it, right?

9. Start Magic Shops in college towns. College kids love the occult. Horror movies told me so. I’d sell everything from Harry Potter memorabilia to Wiccan artifacts.

8. Plan a trip to Ireland, England, Spain, and Austria with my friends. (We would visit other countries, upon request.) My memoir would be Drink, Cry, (Bull)Fight, Sing? OR it could be the Hetalia World Tour! Who’s in?

7. Start a chain of LGBT bookstores to go right next door to the strip mall Christian bookstores. Poetic justice?

6. Build a research facility on genetics, cloning, and mind-transfer capabilities that can make the new bodies in Old Man’s War a reality. I want that cat-eye DNA!

5. Buy A 4-door ’67 Chevy Impala. Because. Reasons.

4. Pay off my sister’s house in Dana Point. For her, of course.

3. Buy A place near San Francisco, to be close to my bestie and have a place to crash during YCon.

2. Buy Freddie’s New York Apartment. For the history, and the location.

1. A Caribbean island. I already am an island. I want to own one, too, with a fortress and a nice yacht to the mainland. This one is for sale, only $10 million.

What would you do with 1.5 billion dollars, or about $561.7 million (lump sum after taxes)?

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