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  • Writer's pictureEdie Montreux

Tuesday’s Top Ten: Personality Traits

Here are the top ten character traits you need if you’re going to hang with me:

10. A driver’s license. Okay, so that’s not a personality trait, but I am a princess and I do require people to drive me around. I have a license and a car, but it’s cheaper to let it sit in my garage, collecting dust.

9. Interest. I know when people are just not that into me. If not, then fuck them. I don’t give second chances. But, if you’ve made it past the second chance stage, I give fifth-hundredth chances because by then you’re family.

8. Words. Stories. Anything to prevent uncomfortable silences. Unless we’re both sitting there giggling silently about something one of us just said. Those are just fine.

7. Open-minded. As Lemur likes to remind me, LGBT and LGBT-friendly people have a much higher chance of making it into my inner circle. Mostly because I try to be kind to people I know were bullied as much as I was. Otherwise, you’re just another bully to me, and you have to prove that you’re not.

6. Open-spirited. Yes, there’s a difference. Open-minded means you’re open to reality. Open-spirited means you’re open to things that may exist outside our reality. If you are set in your thinking that one all-powerful turtle god is going to measure us on a flat disk on his back and see if we sit firm in the middle or slide off the side into eternal darkness, and that the turtle god must exist BECAUSE, then we are not going to get along. (It would also go a long way if you get that Terry Pratchett reference. Just saying.)

If you can’t see the humor in this…yeah. You’re beginning to understand.

5. Intellect. Believe it or not, not my top demand. I can hang with smart, but smart isn’t everything. I’m not always smart. The people who know me well have seen me do some really stupid things, like fall off sidewalks, turn left thinking I have the right of way, and have a fucking meltdown when I backwards math for our waiter’s tip.

4. Spontaneity. Until now, Lemur was probably the only person to realize how damn important it is to me that we don’t do the same damn thing all the time. I spent six years doing the same repetitive job, after all. There’s a reason I’m slightly mad, my friends. Spontaneity keeps me partly sane. So come to coffee, lunch, and happy hour with me. I need the occasional break.

3. Forgiveness, or maybe just Easygoing. I’m uncouth. I manage to say the wrong thing at the wrong time and completely alienate people. People who can forgive me, give me the benefit of the doubt, or just plain know I didn’t mean I never wanted to see her just because I said I wouldn’t darken her doorstep again–those are the people I love most. The ones who can forgive me before I even realize I’ve made a mistake are my very best friends.

2. A sense of humor. So important. If you can’t laugh at me as much as I laugh at me, you’re missing most of the fun. If you think I’m just not that funny…well. There’s that.

1. Patience. I’m a distracted mess. The examples I would give to demonstrate would probably get me locked away in the insane asylum, so we’re not going there. I’d like to pass it off as creative genius, but it’s probably more paranoid delusion. I don’t mean to space out, but I do. Or worse, I can’t hear over the voices in my head, so I have to ask people to repeat things. I’m also not the most patient person in the world, either, so people who have patience, and show me patience, are good for me.

Bonus: It helps if you like Queen:

Got at least 5/10? Swim your little brother in the drink and come party with me.

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