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  • Writer's pictureEdie Montreux

Tuesday’s Top Ten: Things You Should Know Before Getting a Cat

We lost our seventeen-year-old cat today. Lemur and I are a mess. Somewhere else in the world, a little girl or boy just got a kitten. Here are ten things you should know about cats.

10. They stink. People like to think that dogs are the smelly ones, but cats have so many disgusting smells that come with them. Clumping litter is nothing but dust. Their cat food is rank. Their poop is even more rank than the food because what goes in must come out. Their breath is also terrible.

9. They hate you, unless you don’t want them. My mom’s cousin is the crazy cat lady everyone warns you about. She raised our second cat, and you can tell because our second cat is fucked up in the head. She runs from everything except the dog, and she thinks we’re all out to get her. Until someone who hates cats comes over to our house. Then, she’s that person’s best friend.

8. They bring you gifts. Bat wings. Dead mice. Bugs.

7.  They puke. A lot.

6. They puke everywhere. Nothing is sacred.

5. They are demanding. We got a second cat because the first drove us crazy with her meowing. Second cat belongs to first cat. No idea what we’re going to do now that first cat is gone.

4. They turn you into cat people with parasites in their poop. I’ve mentioned this before, but it’s important to know.

3. Kittens are cute, but cats live forever. FOREVER. Until they don’t. 😦

2. No matter how long your cat lives, you will outlive her. When you do, you will feel miserable for having such a love/hate relationship with the little heathen bane of your existence.

1. You will love your cat long after he is gone. If I need to have a good cry, I sit and think about my favorite cat growing up. He was hit by a car on New Year’s Eve, 1994. I still miss him.

Pets die before we do. We love them anyway.

I will miss my kittehs forever.

And now, a song that has nothing to do with cats, but makes me cry anyway. You’re welcome.

If you need some cute after all the sad, try another top ten: Cute Kitten Memes.

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