Weddings on Buses
I recently saw a tweet-meme on one of the queer sites I follow. I'm paraphrasing here, but basically it said queer adults have to review their personality bit by bit to determine what's real and what was just a coping mechanism to protect against harassment.
I went through a boy-crazy stage later than most girls my age (seventh grade). Why? Because I realized I'm not attracted to people the way others are attracted to people, and that's not normal. However, when I am DEEPLY attracted to people, I want to marry them, which is also kinda crazy in kindergarten. I had two bus marriages that year (we moved halfway through the year, so I made connections with one kid at my first school, and with another kid at my second school).
Deep emotional connection attraction: not normal. No attraction to anyone else: not normal. (Forty years in: Holy shit, I'm demisexual!) Solution at the time: Act like the 90210 kids, flirt like crazy, and be annoying as fuck so no one in their right mind would want to date me. This also lasted way longer than it probably should have. I went from holding hands with boys and girls in fifth grade to still flirting at sixteen. You all know the rest: Awkward flirting is the best way to catch all the predators.
I had one month of therapy between my psycho ex and Lemur. In that one month, I figured out what I wanted in a relationship. I wanted a person with whom I could connect and who would treat me like a decent human being. I needed an example while I figured out what it meant to also be a decent human being (instead of idiot-tv-girl). Somehow, the universe heard my highest desire and sent me Lemur. I don't know where I'd be without him.